Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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