I cut my penus on the lid.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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