If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
