I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
