I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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