She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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