I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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