So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
