We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
