she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
