Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
