if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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