hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
