Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
