Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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