Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
