There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
