Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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