i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and she was petting her beer can
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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