I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
