I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
