wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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