it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
