He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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