you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
