I wish I could teleport
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
