Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
