Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
