so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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