Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
