i need an iv and a liver transplant
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
