she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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