Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
