dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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