drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
