is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we're making bets on your personal life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
