Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize