2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
