She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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