My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
