So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am spending my child support on dildos
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
