Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
