He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
