I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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