anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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