You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
