It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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