ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You smell like stripper and shame
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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