I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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