Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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