i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
