Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
