We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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