Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
