If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
