Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
