i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
