Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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