make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
