dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
